widowers dating in houston

Abel Keogh. Chapter 3: 5 Red Flags to Watch for When Dating a Widower. I’m frequently asked if a certain widower behavior, like always talking about his late wife or having photos all over the house, is a red flag that the widower isn’t ready to move forward. Often, these answers aren’t black and white, and much depends on the specific situation and what, if anything, the widower is doing to correct the problem. The purpose of this chapter isn’t to go over every possible circumstance you might find yourself in, but to identify the five specific red flags that usually indicate the widower isn’t ready for a serious relationship. If he exhibits any of these red flags, it’s more than likely he’s not ready to open his heart to you. Most widowers start dating long before their children, close friends, and family are ready to see them with other women. Because widowers think their loved ones won’t support or understand their decision to date again (a decision the widowers themselves often can’t explain), they often keep their dating and relationships a secret for as long as possible. It’s normal to be concerned about telling family and friends. These conversations are never easy, and it’s difficult to predict how others will react to this news. But widowers who are ready to open their hearts again will find the strength and courage to do it. Not telling others about your relationship becomes a red flag when widowers continually make excuses as to why it hasn’t happened yet. You’ll know it’s a red flag because you’ll feel like a mistress or a secret girlfriend. Never tolerate being treated like some dirty little secret. When a widower hides you and your relationship from others, what he’s really saying is that he values the feelings of his loved ones more than he values you. Remember, men express their true feelings through their actions. When he intentionally hides you, keeps you from meeting loved ones, or purposely excludes you from family activities and get-togethers, what he’s really saying is that you’re not that important. Over the years, I’ve talked with women who were literally asked to hide in a closet or wait quietly in another room when a widower’s friends or family stopped by unannounced. Other times, they were introduced as “just a friend” to the widower’s acquaintances. Some widowers refuse to eat at certain restaurants, shop at specific stores, or visit parts of town with their new girlfriends because they’re worried about running into someone they know. Other widowers plan dates or secret rendezvous only when they don’t interfere with planned family gatherings. Widowers who are serious about opening their hearts will make introductions—no matter how difficult those announcements or meetings may be. The hardest conversation I had after dating again was telling Krista’s brother and grandmother that I was in a serious relationship with Julianna. I knew they were still grieving, and it would be difficult for them to know that just seven months after their granddaughter and sister’s death, I was in love again. Still, it was a conversation that needed to happen. Krista’s brother and grandmother were a big part of my life for seven years, and I knew it would hurt them even more to learn about my relationship with Julianna from someone else. The more hesitant widowers are to tell others about the women they’re dating, the greater their internal doubts are about the relationship. Those who are confident about their feelings will have these conversations. For example, when Jennifer came to visit me for the first time, I waited until the last possible minute to tell my family she was coming. I only told them about Jennifer because I lived down the street from my parents, and there was no way I could hide the fact that I had a visitor. At the time, I rationalized my actions by telling myself I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of loved ones who were still grieving. However, when I became serious with Julianna a few months later, I never hid her or our relationship from anyone. In fact, I relished opportunities to introduce Julianna to everyone I knew. This change took place because I had no doubts about my feelings for Julianna. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and in order to do that, I had to integrate her into all aspects of my life. By now, some of you are wondering when the widower should introduce you to friends and family. With close family members, it should happen soon after becoming exclusive. In cases where he’s worried about a negative reaction, it might be better for him to inform those he loves that he’s in an exclusive relationship before making face-to-face introductions. If introducing you in person isn’t practical or realistic, at the very least, the widower should let them know he’s in a committed relationship and who it’s with. In my situation, I thought it was better to let Krista’s brother and grandmother know that I was in an exclusive relationship before they met Julianna. It was one of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had. Even though they were both verbally supportive and were thankful that I had told them, I could sense that they didn’t understand how I could open my heart to someone else less than a year after Krista’s death. When I introduced them to Julianna a few weeks later, I could tell they were still struggling with my decision, but they were polite and welcoming. If I hadn’t had that previous conversation with them, I don’t believe the actual introduction would have gone nearly as well. The only exception I make to this rule is when the widower has minor children living at home. When that’s the case, I think the relationship should be on solid ground before introductions are made. This, however, doesn’t give the widower license not to tell them what he’s doing. At the very least, his minor children should know that their father is dating, and he should give you a rough timeline of when introductions will happen. However, if he continually makes up excuses as to why you haven’t met his kids or keeps changing the deadline, he’s hiding you and not ready to open his heart. Remember that you should expect the same behavior from a widower that you would from any other man. Don’t let widowers get away with treating you like a secret. You deserve and should expect to be treated like the center of his universe. Three months after Krista died, I created a profile on an online dating website. Back then, online dating was relatively new, and nowhere as sophisticated as the dating apps of today. After filling out some basic information about myself, I posted a single photograph, along with a paragraph about myself and what kind of woman I was looking to date. Then I started applying the website’s filters to see who came back as compatible matches. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was inputting Krista’s characteristics into the search filters, and as a result, the site was returning women who looked somewhat like Krista and had similar interests and hobbies. I didn’t do this intentionally. However, at that point in my life, Krista was the only woman I’d had a serious, long-term relationship with. We clicked on so many levels that I unconsciously figured that by putting in Krista’s interests and personality traits, I’d find someone who would be a good match. Despite the site returning dozens of “compatible” women, I never clicked with any of them when we met in person. At the time, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t connect with someone with similar looks and interests. In hindsight, I realize I wanted those women to be just like Krista and duplicate that wonderful relationship we shared. I tell this story because when widowers start dating, their frame of reference for what makes a compatible or desirable partner is based on the looks, personality, and interests of the late wife. They think that finding someone who looks familiar and acts similarly to the late wife will heal their heart. (I recommend that widowers date several different women when they re-enter the dating waters so they’ll get exposed to a diverse set of women with different personalities and interests.) I was initially attracted to Jennifer because she was very similar to Krista. Like Krista, Jennifer was tall, blonde, creative, and had an outgoing personality. We even matched up perfectly in the political and faith aspects of our lives. That alone brought me a level of comfort and familiarity that made it an easy decision to let the relationship become more serious. The fact that you have similar looks or personality to the late wife isn’t a red flag by itself. You should become concerned if the widower tries to mold you and your relationship into a replica of the one he shared with his late wife. Fortunately, this is an easy red flag to identify. The four most common things widowers who are looking to reconstruct their relationship with their late wife will do are: Verbally compare the two of you. This is usually done through subtle hints about the way the late wife did things and how much he enjoyed them. Constantly take you to the same places where he and the late wife ate, vacationed, and frequented while refusing to try new things with you. If all this sounds creepy, it is. If you find yourself dating a widower who exhibits one or more of these traits, note that healthy boundaries or better communication won’t fix this. He’s trying to re-create a part of his life that is gone forever by obliterating your unique personality and identity. He will never love you for who you are—only for who he thinks you can be. The best thing you can do if you find yourself in this kind of relationship is to end it immediately. In order for a relationship with a widower to grow and thrive, he has to love the new woman for who she is—not who he wants her to be. It’s a lesson I didn’t learn until I fell in love with Julianna. The Houston Widows and Widowers Meetup Group. Что мы из себя представляем. This is a unique local group for those of us that have lost a significant other, where all ages are welcome. The loss of a partner is the same if you are 60 or 20 and this group is for those of us who are not ready to give up on life. My hope is that this site will enable us to meet new friends that we can identify with, no matter the age. Many of us have found that we don't fit in anymore; our old friends have gone away now that we are not a couple anymore. Many people that haven't experienced similar losses expect us to "bounce back" right away or just "get over it". Oftentimes, they don't want us to talk about our loss or our feelings. Unless they have been there, they have no idea how we feel or what we are going thru. Then again, those that are in relationships want to avoid dealing with issues that remind them of their own, or of their spouses' mortality. But we CAN and DO understand, only because we've all been there. For the newly widowed, we hope that you will feel empowered by seeing others like ourselves that have pulled thru the worse of times, as you will, too, in time. What we do provide is ongoing grief support thru fun, relaxed, casual, companionship and conversation, at monthly dinners, get-togethers where we talk almost non-stop, and make new friends, plus we schedule other fun activities and outings. Our members find it is very comforting to be around others like themselves that really do understand, and I always learn something new from talking with my fellow widows and widowers, who are filled with valuable information they are readily willing to share. We post positive quotes, affirmations, words of wisdom, and health articles from numerous sources, to remind us of how vital it is to keep focused on staying positive, healthy, and grateful for what we do have. This is not a deep grief counseling group, per se. Yes, we will be there for those who are in deep grief to help them through it as much as we can, but we are mainly a social group comprised of very special and unique men and women. We are here for people who are ready to enjoy fun companionship, (with some of the sweetest people on earth), at activities where we can "fit in", instead of being alone because we feel we no longer fit the "singles scene" or we feel like a 5th wheel now. You must answer ALL of the profile questions as honestly and completely as possible, this is required before we can accept your request to join. We do not allow any sales pitches, nor do we allow members to ask for money or to borrow money from other members. And also, we ask that you not contact other members unless you first meet and agree to such contact. Thank you in advance for honoring these requirements. One last thing, if you can not make a gathering, please be courteous, and UN-RSVP ASAP before the event so that others will not be kept waiting for you. We also welcome any input or ideas for outings. So please feel free to suggest an outing, schedule an outing, or volunteer to be an event organizer!

Please recommend a good restaurant or event you think the group would enjoy. This group is for you and I, the members, it exists solely for our benefit. It is here to help us feel better, to help us heal, as we work our way through our sadness. After all, don't we all deserve a little support, compassion, kindness, and understanding, along the way, to help us get through our pain? I think we deserve that and so much more! This is and always will be, a non-profit group. All efforts made here on behalf of the group are solely a labor of love on my part, and you will never be charged by this group for joining or for attending any function, unless the venue charges at the door, for instance a movie house, theatre, dance, etc. This group does NOT take the place of professional grief counseling. I would advise someone in the very early stages of grief to seek counseling through a therapist or newly bereaved grief meetings but it does not preclude you from being a member here. You need all the resources you can get. Hospices and hospitals often offer grief support groups. For the newly bereaved, there are several other meet ups you may be interested in, one really good Meetup is called GriefShare, a Christian based grief support group sponsored by the larger United Methodist Churches in your area. They offer ongoing grief support groups at little to no cost. You don't have to be a member or even a church go-er to attend, You just have to contact a large Methodist Church in your area to find out about the classes. These classes are Christian oriented. Losing a beloved significant other can be one of the most stressful and traumatic events we will ever face. I STRONGLY RECOMMEND going to the following website for help: From there go to the heading "GET STARTED" then click on "MENTAL HEALTH APPS". From there you will be able to download dozens of FREE apps for your cellphone or computer. These apps teach you how to cope with trauma and stress, how to deal with emotions in a healthy way, how to recognize and change negative or erroneous thinking. These apps teach you relationship skills, how to improve your mood, and many other beneficial coping skills. and HOSPICE'S - offer ongoing grief support, you may want to look for a Hospice in your area. Hospices are organizations that take care of terminally ill people and are superbly compassionate and loving. The purpose of OUR group is to have the companionship of others who understand what we have gone through and share our fears of the future. We welcome those who have had a recent loss as well as those who are further along in the grief process. pport is a continuing need as our life progresses from intense grief to more day to day living, and thru the ups and downs of the roller coaster ride we are on. Widows and widowers are some of the most understanding people on earth. As we meet, we develop an instant bond because we know we have shared a common and very daunting loss and are still sharing many of the grief processes, no matter how long it has been. We are of differing ages. Some have tragically been widowed at a very early age and are raising children alone. Some of us are older yet, but still with a great many years left to live; and we wonder if we are to spend them alone or if we can find another love at an older age. Some of us are facing the issues of dating again, getting committed again, and other fears of what the future holds for us. Whatever the need, we will be here to love and support each other through the process of moving forward with our lives; through our journey toward healing. We understand the sorrows that new grief brings, we also understand the need to laugh again and have fun again, so while sad talk is not off the table, neither is laughing and having fun. THIS GROUP IS DEDICATED TO MY BELOVED B, TO GIGI, THE FABULOUS LADY THAT LITERALLY HEEDED THE "CALL FROM GOD" TO CREATE THIS GROUP, TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST; TO ALL OF OUR LOVED ONES THAT HAVE CROSSED OVER. Abel Keogh. Chapter 3: 5 Red Flags to Watch for When Dating a Widower. I’m frequently asked if a certain widower behavior, like always talking about his late wife or having photos all over the house, is a red flag that the widower isn’t ready to move forward. Often, these answers aren’t black and white, and much depends on the specific situation and what, if anything, the widower is doing to correct the problem. The purpose of this chapter isn’t to go over every possible circumstance you might find yourself in, but to identify the five specific red flags that usually indicate the widower isn’t ready for a serious relationship. If he exhibits any of these red flags, it’s more than likely he’s not ready to open his heart to you. Most widowers start dating long before their children, close friends, and family are ready to see them with other women. Because widowers think their loved ones won’t support or understand their decision to date again (a decision the widowers themselves often can’t explain), they often keep their dating and relationships a secret for as long as possible. It’s normal to be concerned about telling family and friends. These conversations are never easy, and it’s difficult to predict how others will react to this news. But widowers who are ready to open their hearts again will find the strength and courage to do it. Not telling others about your relationship becomes a red flag when widowers continually make excuses as to why it hasn’t happened yet. You’ll know it’s a red flag because you’ll feel like a mistress or a secret girlfriend. Never tolerate being treated like some dirty little secret. When a widower hides you and your relationship from others, what he’s really saying is that he values the feelings of his loved ones more than he values you. Remember, men express their true feelings through their actions. When he intentionally hides you, keeps you from meeting loved ones, or purposely excludes you from family activities and get-togethers, what he’s really saying is that you’re not that important. Over the years, I’ve talked with women who were literally asked to hide in a closet or wait quietly in another room when a widower’s friends or family stopped by unannounced. Other times, they were introduced as “just a friend” to the widower’s acquaintances. Some widowers refuse to eat at certain restaurants, shop at specific stores, or visit parts of town with their new girlfriends because they’re worried about running into someone they know. Other widowers plan dates or secret rendezvous only when they don’t interfere with planned family gatherings. Widowers who are serious about opening their hearts will make introductions—no matter how difficult those announcements or meetings may be. The hardest conversation I had after dating again was telling Krista’s brother and grandmother that I was in a serious relationship with Julianna. I knew they were still grieving, and it would be difficult for them to know that just seven months after their granddaughter and sister’s death, I was in love again. Still, it was a conversation that needed to happen. Krista’s brother and grandmother were a big part of my life for seven years, and I knew it would hurt them even more to learn about my relationship with Julianna from someone else. The more hesitant widowers are to tell others about the women they’re dating, the greater their internal doubts are about the relationship. Those who are confident about their feelings will have these conversations. For example, when Jennifer came to visit me for the first time, I waited until the last possible minute to tell my family she was coming. I only told them about Jennifer because I lived down the street from my parents, and there was no way I could hide the fact that I had a visitor. At the time, I rationalized my actions by telling myself I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of loved ones who were still grieving. However, when I became serious with Julianna a few months later, I never hid her or our relationship from anyone. In fact, I relished opportunities to introduce Julianna to everyone I knew. This change took place because I had no doubts about my feelings for Julianna. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and in order to do that, I had to integrate her into all aspects of my life. By now, some of you are wondering when the widower should introduce you to friends and family. With close family members, it should happen soon after becoming exclusive. In cases where he’s worried about a negative reaction, it might be better for him to inform those he loves that he’s in an exclusive relationship before making face-to-face introductions. If introducing you in person isn’t practical or realistic, at the very least, the widower should let them know he’s in a committed relationship and who it’s with. In my situation, I thought it was better to let Krista’s brother and grandmother know that I was in an exclusive relationship before they met Julianna. It was one of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had. Even though they were both verbally supportive and were thankful that I had told them, I could sense that they didn’t understand how I could open my heart to someone else less than a year after Krista’s death. When I introduced them to Julianna a few weeks later, I could tell they were still struggling with my decision, but they were polite and welcoming. If I hadn’t had that previous conversation with them, I don’t believe the actual introduction would have gone nearly as well. The only exception I make to this rule is when the widower has minor children living at home. When that’s the case, I think the relationship should be on solid ground before introductions are made. This, however, doesn’t give the widower license not to tell them what he’s doing. At the very least, his minor children should know that their father is dating, and he should give you a rough timeline of when introductions will happen. However, if he continually makes up excuses as to why you haven’t met his kids or keeps changing the deadline, he’s hiding you and not ready to open his heart. Remember that you should expect the same behavior from a widower that you would from any other man. Don’t let widowers get away with treating you like a secret. You deserve and should expect to be treated like the center of his universe. Three months after Krista died, I created a profile on an online dating website. Back then, online dating was relatively new, and nowhere as sophisticated as the dating apps of today. After filling out some basic information about myself, I posted a single photograph, along with a paragraph about myself and what kind of woman I was looking to date. Then I started applying the website’s filters to see who came back as compatible matches. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was inputting Krista’s characteristics into the search filters, and as a result, the site was returning women who looked somewhat like Krista and had similar interests and hobbies. I didn’t do this intentionally. However, at that point in my life, Krista was the only woman I’d had a serious, long-term relationship with. We clicked on so many levels that I unconsciously figured that by putting in Krista’s interests and personality traits, I’d find someone who would be a good match. Despite the site returning dozens of “compatible” women, I never clicked with any of them when we met in person. At the time, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t connect with someone with similar looks and interests. In hindsight, I realize I wanted those women to be just like Krista and duplicate that wonderful relationship we shared. I tell this story because when widowers start dating, their frame of reference for what makes a compatible or desirable partner is based on the looks, personality, and interests of the late wife. They think that finding someone who looks familiar and acts similarly to the late wife will heal their heart. (I recommend that widowers date several different women when they re-enter the dating waters so they’ll get exposed to a diverse set of women with different personalities and interests.) I was initially attracted to Jennifer because she was very similar to Krista. Like Krista, Jennifer was tall, blonde, creative, and had an outgoing personality. We even matched up perfectly in the political and faith aspects of our lives. That alone brought me a level of comfort and familiarity that made it an easy decision to let the relationship become more serious. The fact that you have similar looks or personality to the late wife isn’t a red flag by itself. You should become concerned if the widower tries to mold you and your relationship into a replica of the one he shared with his late wife. Fortunately, this is an easy red flag to identify. The four most common things widowers who are looking to reconstruct their relationship with their late wife will do are: Verbally compare the two of you. This is usually done through subtle hints about the way the late wife did things and how much he enjoyed them. Constantly take you to the same places where he and the late wife ate, vacationed, and frequented while refusing to try new things with you. If all this sounds creepy, it is. If you find yourself dating a widower who exhibits one or more of these traits, note that healthy boundaries or better communication won’t fix this. He’s trying to re-create a part of his life that is gone forever by obliterating your unique personality and identity. He will never love you for who you are—only for who he thinks you can be. The best thing you can do if you find yourself in this kind of relationship is to end it immediately. In order for a relationship with a widower to grow and thrive, he has to love the new woman for who she is—not who he wants her to be. It’s a lesson I didn’t learn until I fell in love with Julianna. Find a New Friend at Widowers Dating Site. Stop spending your days & nights alone. Join Our online singles group & meet widowers Who are ready to start a new chapter in life!

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Have you been looking for a club to meet singles that have suffered through losses like you? After a loved one passes away, widowers may feel as though they will never love again. But as time goes by, they feel like they’re ready to move on. If they had a good relationship, they are still aware of how a good relationship can happen. Our members don’t play games like other men do because they know they never end well. It may have taken them a long time to heal, but now they’re ready to start afresh! Widowers dating can be a great thing if you’re looking for the one, for the person you can stay with forever. Become a member of our huge community and find your soul mate today! Register now, create your profile, upload a picture and start searching through many profiles of handsome widowers!

Dating a widower can be little bit difficult, but it doesn’t have to be. Allowing your partner adequate time to grieve and not trying to replace his wife is important. But so is assisting with the parenting responsibilities if the widower is a father. These are just some of the unique challenges you face when dating a widower. Join us today and give yourself a chance to love and be loved! Signing up is free, come and have fun! Browse Our Members By Category. Disclaimer: 100% Free basic membership allows you to browse the site, view profiles, send flirts and modify your profile. Charges will accrue if you purchase a premium membership which is offered upon completion of your profile. This site is billed by 24-7help.net. Widowers Dating Site is part of the dating network, which includes many other general and widow dating sites. As a member of Widowers Dating Site, your profile will automatically be shown on related widow dating sites or to related users in the network at no additional charge. For more information on how this works, click Widowers Dating Site is part of the dating network. To help you find more potential matches and members near you, your profile will be also be displayed on other widow dating sites that are part of the dating network at no additional charge. Your profile will NOT be shown on any other site that is not an widow dating site to ensure you only are displayed to singles looking for the same interests as you. if you would like to opt-out of having your profile shown on any other related site, you can update this in your privacy settings to only have your profile displayed on Widowers Dating Site and no other site. START DATING TODAY. Online Dating for Widows and Widowers in the US. Widowsorwidowers.com is the longest running widows and widowers dating site in the US. With over fifteen years’ experience in online dating for widows and widowers, we are well placed to provide you with a safe and compassionate dating exeperience. We understand the importance of going at your own pace and meeting others who can genuinely relate to your loss. Everyone’s needs are different and we aim to help you find a partner that’s just right for you. Some of us will be ready to take this step before others. Only you will know when the time is right. Our easy-to-use platform allows you to instantly connect with other widows and widowers based in towns and cities throughout the US. Our industry leading dating algorithms suggests matches based upon location and shared interests; striving to ensure the greatest possibility for genuine relationships to form. We are known for providing the ideal conditions for romance to flourish, valuing the life experience of each member. Our genuine care and consideration puts us at the forefront of widows and widowers dating in the US. Safe and Secure. In good company. Customer Care. Chat Online. Find Love Again. Finding love again after losing a partner is not a straight forward as some choose to believe. It's something that only those with direct experience can truly understand; you’re not only missing the love and romance you once shared, but the friendship and the reassurance of being part of a couple. If you’ve enjoyed a happy and fulfilling marriage, it can be easy to compare your previous partner with someone new. However, dating after loss can be seen as a new start, opening the way towards a fulfilling and lasting relationship with its own unique qualities. This being the case, it’s important to accept that this is an experience to be enjoyed without any feelings of guilt. Over time, dating can open up your life to new opportunities and pathways you may have never even considered. With each of you bringing your own values and interests to the relationship, you can come to love again in a way that is different from what you have previously known. This is especially the case if you are dating someone who has also been widowed, as they are more likely to genuinely relate to your bereavement. Chat Online with Widowed Singles Near You. At Widowsorwidowers.com, it is our number one goal to help you find that special someone who will understand what you’ve been through and with whom you can begin a new relationship. Starting an online chat is easy and puts the power in your hands to start connecting. Our helpful range of articles and guidelines offer vital tips and advice on how to get started, giving you everything you need to begin your search. If you’re at home or on the move, you can start your dating journey, safe in the knowledge you have everything you need to navigate your way to new horizons. Online dating has become the ideal platform for widows and widowers seeking to meet someone new. Chatting online in a safe and familiar environment gives you the opportunity to get to know others gradually. In your own time, you can decide whether or not you want to take things further. Sharing your current aspirations and hopes for the future can put you on the right path to discovering someone special. It is in this way you can create a space where you get used to the idea of having someone new in your life. Simply arranging some Stay-At-Home dates can be enough to spark some romance! Abel Keogh. Chapter 3: 5 Red Flags to Watch for When Dating a Widower. I’m frequently asked if a certain widower behavior, like always talking about his late wife or having photos all over the house, is a red flag that the widower isn’t ready to move forward. Often, these answers aren’t black and white, and much depends on the specific situation and what, if anything, the widower is doing to correct the problem. The purpose of this chapter isn’t to go over every possible circumstance you might find yourself in, but to identify the five specific red flags that usually indicate the widower isn’t ready for a serious relationship. If he exhibits any of these red flags, it’s more than likely he’s not ready to open his heart to you. Most widowers start dating long before their children, close friends, and family are ready to see them with other women. Because widowers think their loved ones won’t support or understand their decision to date again (a decision the widowers themselves often can’t explain), they often keep their dating and relationships a secret for as long as possible. It’s normal to be concerned about telling family and friends. These conversations are never easy, and it’s difficult to predict how others will react to this news. But widowers who are ready to open their hearts again will find the strength and courage to do it. Not telling others about your relationship becomes a red flag when widowers continually make excuses as to why it hasn’t happened yet. You’ll know it’s a red flag because you’ll feel like a mistress or a secret girlfriend. Never tolerate being treated like some dirty little secret. When a widower hides you and your relationship from others, what he’s really saying is that he values the feelings of his loved ones more than he values you. Remember, men express their true feelings through their actions. When he intentionally hides you, keeps you from meeting loved ones, or purposely excludes you from family activities and get-togethers, what he’s really saying is that you’re not that important. Over the years, I’ve talked with women who were literally asked to hide in a closet or wait quietly in another room when a widower’s friends or family stopped by unannounced. Other times, they were introduced as “just a friend” to the widower’s acquaintances. Some widowers refuse to eat at certain restaurants, shop at specific stores, or visit parts of town with their new girlfriends because they’re worried about running into someone they know. Other widowers plan dates or secret rendezvous only when they don’t interfere with planned family gatherings. Widowers who are serious about opening their hearts will make introductions—no matter how difficult those announcements or meetings may be. The hardest conversation I had after dating again was telling Krista’s brother and grandmother that I was in a serious relationship with Julianna. I knew they were still grieving, and it would be difficult for them to know that just seven months after their granddaughter and sister’s death, I was in love again. Still, it was a conversation that needed to happen. Krista’s brother and grandmother were a big part of my life for seven years, and I knew it would hurt them even more to learn about my relationship with Julianna from someone else. The more hesitant widowers are to tell others about the women they’re dating, the greater their internal doubts are about the relationship. Those who are confident about their feelings will have these conversations. For example, when Jennifer came to visit me for the first time, I waited until the last possible minute to tell my family she was coming. I only told them about Jennifer because I lived down the street from my parents, and there was no way I could hide the fact that I had a visitor. At the time, I rationalized my actions by telling myself I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of loved ones who were still grieving. However, when I became serious with Julianna a few months later, I never hid her or our relationship from anyone. In fact, I relished opportunities to introduce Julianna to everyone I knew. This change took place because I had no doubts about my feelings for Julianna. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and in order to do that, I had to integrate her into all aspects of my life. By now, some of you are wondering when the widower should introduce you to friends and family. With close family members, it should happen soon after becoming exclusive. In cases where he’s worried about a negative reaction, it might be better for him to inform those he loves that he’s in an exclusive relationship before making face-to-face introductions. If introducing you in person isn’t practical or realistic, at the very least, the widower should let them know he’s in a committed relationship and who it’s with. In my situation, I thought it was better to let Krista’s brother and grandmother know that I was in an exclusive relationship before they met Julianna. It was one of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had. Even though they were both verbally supportive and were thankful that I had told them, I could sense that they didn’t understand how I could open my heart to someone else less than a year after Krista’s death. When I introduced them to Julianna a few weeks later, I could tell they were still struggling with my decision, but they were polite and welcoming. If I hadn’t had that previous conversation with them, I don’t believe the actual introduction would have gone nearly as well. The only exception I make to this rule is when the widower has minor children living at home. When that’s the case, I think the relationship should be on solid ground before introductions are made. This, however, doesn’t give the widower license not to tell them what he’s doing. At the very least, his minor children should know that their father is dating, and he should give you a rough timeline of when introductions will happen. However, if he continually makes up excuses as to why you haven’t met his kids or keeps changing the deadline, he’s hiding you and not ready to open his heart. Remember that you should expect the same behavior from a widower that you would from any other man. Don’t let widowers get away with treating you like a secret. You deserve and should expect to be treated like the center of his universe. Three months after Krista died, I created a profile on an online dating website. Back then, online dating was relatively new, and nowhere as sophisticated as the dating apps of today. After filling out some basic information about myself, I posted a single photograph, along with a paragraph about myself and what kind of woman I was looking to date. Then I started applying the website’s filters to see who came back as compatible matches. Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was inputting Krista’s characteristics into the search filters, and as a result, the site was returning women who looked somewhat like Krista and had similar interests and hobbies. I didn’t do this intentionally. However, at that point in my life, Krista was the only woman I’d had a serious, long-term relationship with. We clicked on so many levels that I unconsciously figured that by putting in Krista’s interests and personality traits, I’d find someone who would be a good match. Despite the site returning dozens of “compatible” women, I never clicked with any of them when we met in person. At the time, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t connect with someone with similar looks and interests. In hindsight, I realize I wanted those women to be just like Krista and duplicate that wonderful relationship we shared. I tell this story because when widowers start dating, their frame of reference for what makes a compatible or desirable partner is based on the looks, personality, and interests of the late wife. They think that finding someone who looks familiar and acts similarly to the late wife will heal their heart. (I recommend that widowers date several different women when they re-enter the dating waters so they’ll get exposed to a diverse set of women with different personalities and interests.) I was initially attracted to Jennifer because she was very similar to Krista. Like Krista, Jennifer was tall, blonde, creative, and had an outgoing personality. We even matched up perfectly in the political and faith aspects of our lives. That alone brought me a level of comfort and familiarity that made it an easy decision to let the relationship become more serious. The fact that you have similar looks or personality to the late wife isn’t a red flag by itself. You should become concerned if the widower tries to mold you and your relationship into a replica of the one he shared with his late wife. Fortunately, this is an easy red flag to identify. The four most common things widowers who are looking to reconstruct their relationship with their late wife will do are: Verbally compare the two of you. This is usually done through subtle hints about the way the late wife did things and how much he enjoyed them. Constantly take you to the same places where he and the late wife ate, vacationed, and frequented while refusing to try new things with you. If all this sounds creepy, it is. If you find yourself dating a widower who exhibits one or more of these traits, note that healthy boundaries or better communication won’t fix this. He’s trying to re-create a part of his life that is gone forever by obliterating your unique personality and identity. He will never love you for who you are—only for who he thinks you can be. The best thing you can do if you find yourself in this kind of relationship is to end it immediately. In order for a relationship with a widower to grow and thrive, he has to love the new woman for who she is—not who he wants her to be. It’s a lesson I didn’t learn until I fell in love with Julianna. you're not alone. you're not alone. About the author. Herb Knoll is a retired banking executive, an advocate for Widowers, a professional speaker and author of the breakout book, The Widower’s Journey. Available at Amazon.com in paperback and in all digital formats. Herb is the founder of the Widower’s Support Network featuring the Widowers Support Network – Members Only, a private Facebook group page for men, and a second Facebook page which is open to the general public at Widowers Support Network. Whether you’re a divorcee, a widowed man, have never married or even been in a committed relationship, you may someday decide that you are tired of being alone. I completely understand. You see, I’ve been in your shoes as have millions of other men. As a result, there are many useful lessons and best practices for you to learn from as you emerge from the shadows of your life. To start, all you may desire is a companion, even if it’s only to have someone to complain to about the weather or our government or to have a casual dinner with occasionally. If things go well, your new relationship may have even more significant potential. Men have various reasons for wanting a new friend. Some men hope to discover love while others are happy having someone who can cook meals or perhaps take care of them should they ever become ill. Others are just lonely and desire someone they can share a bed with them. Yes, like the women they seek, men too have their motives. Some men are desperately lonely, usually the result of a divorce or the death of a spouse. Still, others are wounded following an unwanted breakup or a bad previous romantic experience; causing them to be frightened at the thought of exposing their emotions, not to mention their wallets to more pain. As a result, they forego any future entanglements. To them, it’s just not worth it. Still, others see a real upside to dating and are willing to give it another try. Good for them. But gentlemen… go slowly. There are many risks associated with late in life dating. From the emotional dangers of rejection to the financial risks presented by a predator woman, dating has its downside. But that should not deter a single or widowed man from seeking a companion or more. Dating is exciting. It’s fun. So don’t miss out if this is what you desire. Dating can complicate one’s life, so be sure to seek the sage advice of your trusted family members, friends, and advisors, and go about it with your common sense fully engaged. Where does an eligible man begin?

If you are considering re-entering the dating scene, you first need to understand your own motives clearly. What is missing in your life; a life partner or a hot date? Do you seek the companionship of a woman of deep faith, an intellectual who can debate the issues of the day or someone who can make you laugh and has a great figure? I know, I know… you want all of the above. But what are your MUST WANTS?

No matter your wants, it’s good to make a list of what is important to you and then concentrate your search in the locals where you are likely to find them. If you’re reading this article, you are likely of the vintage where you have accumulated baggage. It is also fair to assume that anyone you may hope to have a relationship will come with some baggage too. New romances can become complicated yet still rewarding and worth exploring. And when you do, you are likely to want to move things along pretty fast, but you would be better advised to be a bit more patient. Men can be impulsive, a character flaw that triggers potentially devastating errors in judgment. Relax and move forward but do so with intent and purpose. Following the passing of my wife in 2008, I came to the point where I wanted a companion. I did my research and eventually tried the online dating service, eHarmony.com. Now when you speak of dating services, be aware all are not created equal. Fortunate for me, eHarmony paired me with a computer engineer named Maria. Maria used eHarmony because she happened to know the psychologist that designed the matching software used by eHarmony. He confirmed how the engineering that drives eHarmony was scientifically valid. I suspect not all online dating services can make the same claim. Maria and I were married a year after our first meeting on a cruise ship off the coast of Italy. Needless to say, I endorse eHarmony, but I have also read good reviews about other online dating services so shop around and do your research. Regardless of your circumstances, I want to encourage every man to seek the joy and rewards life has to offer. When I was young, my mother once said to me, “If you want to meet nice girls, go to church!” Regardless of your religious beliefs, my mother’s advice is worth considering too. A Dating Checklist for Senior Males. Know yourself What void in your life are you attempting to fill?

Are you emotionally ready to share an evening or the rest of your life with someone special?

Identify your Must Have or Never Want Children? A smoker/drinker? Would it be someone younger/older?

Healthy or likely to need a caregiver soon? Someone who may need financial assistance or is self-sufficient?

Clean-up Women prefer men who take care of themselves physically as well as visually. Don’t invite a woman back to a cluttered or messy home. Define your strategy Blind dates. Online dating service such as eHarmony.com, ChristianMingle.com, YourJewishDate.com, etc. If you use an online service, be honest when completing their questionnaire. Join groups or volunteer where you are likely to meet others with common interests. Tell your friends and family you are open to meeting someone. Get off the sofa Be where people are found; civic and public events, at a house of worship or by joining clubs. Get a part-time job where women will need to interact with you. Avoid bars. Be honest about your intentions Don’t say you’re the “marrying type” if you are not. Be sure you can spend time getting to know one another. Doing so in the dark confines of a movie theatre is hard. First dates over lunch at a favorite restaurant make for a safe environment for both parties. Enjoy the moment Plan for dates that both you and your new friend will genuinely enjoy. Some of the most enjoyable dates don’t have to cost anything. Attention Widowers and Men who serve as Caregivers. Apply today to join the Widowers Support Network – Members Only (WSN-MO) on Facebook. WSN-MO is a FREE private page exclusively open to MEN who have lost their wife or life-partner; men who are currently serving as caregivers for a seriously ill spouse or life-partner; and other good-hearted men who wish to help assist and comfort them.


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