money and dating

. These days most people thing having an age gap in a relationship is no longer a big deal. Having an older (or younger) partner tends to become less taboo as our ideas of moral and personal freedom change. Indeed, recent surveys find that both men and women have opened up to the idea of being in a relationship with a substantial age gap. That being said, while our concepts physical attraction and ageing change, one fundamental challenge for any couple is even more present for men and women with a substantial age difference. is as complicated as ever, and here’s why. is typically a matter of finding the right balance. When it comes to , we all have different ideas what an ideal relationship scenario looks like. For a lot of couples, it is perfectly normal to split the bills and contribute evenly to any expenses. Whether it is the monthly rent, the summer holiday or a visit at the favourite restaurant: More and more men and women expect to share everything with their partner. In most cases this works reasonably well. On average, we gravitate towards potential partners that are in a similar life stage. For example, students tend go out with other students who share the same financial situation, and career driven men and women often end up with an equally successful partner. For obvious reasons, it is easier to adjust to each others spending habits when you have a similar income. What happens if that’s not the case, though?

How couples deal with inequalities when it comes to . Financial inequalities can be a challenge for a relationship. For age gap couples, it is common if not the norm that the younger partner does not have the same financial means. Building a successful career takes years, and partners who are in completely different life stages are rarely on the same income level. How age gap couples deal with can therefore make or break a relationship. If you want to live a certain lifestyle, you should not assume that your significantly younger partner can afford the same things. Basically there are two solutions: You can agree on things that are affordable for both of you. Adjust to your partners habits when it comes to spending. Alternatively you can discuss your finances and offer to pay for the benefit of having a better living standard. Why older partners often pay for a more extravagant lifestyle. A lot of age gap couples agree that it can be hard to try playing in the same league. If you have worked all your life for your success, why would you want to compromise when it comes to ? For this reason, older partners are often happy to cover some of the costs when it comes to mutual holidays, rent and going out. The most important thing in a successful career is to have fun and enjoy it while it lasts. If you are lucky enough to have an attractive younger partner by your side, why let it stop you?

. Money can come up at different stages throughout the dating process. It is an important conversation to have, but we don’t want to let money be the deciding factor either. Here are a few tips on how to broach the topic of money and how to handle the discussion of finances generally – from first date to chuppah. Splitting the bill splits the connection. Sometimes money comes up right at the beginning. It starts off innocently enough – a nice first date, an enjoyable meal and great conversation, and then the bill arrives. The dreaded question: do you want to split the bill? Don’t say it. Gentlemen, just take the ladies out. No, really, insist that you pay for her. Ladies, don’t set him up to fail by insisting that you pay your half. For the first few dates, take her out. If she says, next one is my treat, then okay, let her do that. It’s still major brownie points if you insist on paying even when she chooses the date and venue, and offers to pay. The psychology behind this is that men want to take care of a woman, and women want to be taken care of. The act of paying for the date signifies that the man likes you enough to take care of you. It isn’t about the dollars and cents, or who makes more. We develop love through giving. Taking her out, driving her, picking and dropping her off, and walking her to her door, is about giving. This is how men give. So ladies, let him give to you. How do women give? Women tend to be more emotionally ready and available – we draw someone out of their shell. We spend time preparing – hair, makeup, clothes, nails – whatever is important to us. Statistically, women spend a lot of money on these types of things, and time on it. We create an energy on the date, and put in time and effort into dates this way. By taking the bill out of his hand, we aren’t giving him a place to give. It’s about a give and take, not just splitting everything. It creates an element of romance – I take care of you, you take care of me, versus just treating everything like a financial arrangement. Splitting the bill splits the connection. The goal is to build the relationship. Each person takes care of the other one at a different time. In the beginning, it is nice for the man to pay, "the gentlemanly thing to do." Learn how to receive graciously and accept his gift – say thank you! Money talks can break a relationship. Decide if there is a future before bringing finances into it, but do discuss it before things get too serious. Before opening up the conversation about money, take the time to get to know each other and make sure there is a real connection. Once that is established, discuss what you want your life to look like. Do you rent or own? Do you have a car? What is your career path?

What do you envision yourself doing in 5 years? Will things look differently when you have a family?

When do you start to have these conversations?

It really depends on the level of the connection. The first few dates should be spent enjoying the person’s company and getting to know them. Decide if you like them, if you want to continue seeing them, if there is something significant here. Figure that out before money enters the picture because money can make or break things. You want a solid foundation before it enters the conversation. Once you feel comfortable, you can start to discuss these things. Do either of you have student loans, or are you in school, or planning to go to school in the future? Where do you want to live? What kind of debt do you have, if any? At what point do you share these things? It’s a good idea to have these deeper conversations once you realize you feelings start to develop, but before you've lost all ability to be objective. Your own personal comfort level will determine when you are ready – it could be the sixth date or the sixteenth. We all have different experiences of money, how we view it, and how we think about it. Get on the same page before you bring your families into it. Make sure your relationship is solid enough to handle an extremely difficult time period. It won’t just be one conversation; it might take a few dates. Take it in small doses. Once there is a wedding to discuss and plan, money can get very complicated. Talking about money when dating is very different than discussing it with parents and families. The conversation could involve pre-nuptial agreements, family money in a trust, no money and tons of debt, or anything in between. When you stand under the chuppah, now one person’s debt is the other person’s debt. It gets really heavy. Know your own finances. If you’re not good at it, hire someone or ask someone for help. Have a real conversation. Who is paying for the wedding? Which part? It can be emotional and complicated and extremely difficult. The two of you must be stuck together like glue. It doesn’t matter what is happening around you. Do not let anyone make you choose between each other and family when it comes to money. Keep the close connection, and let the families duke it out if need be. In general, you should bring up the topic of finances, but be prepared to leave the conversation unfinished and go have fun. It can take a while to cover everything. At the end of the discussion, decide what you both agree on in the conversation. Know where you are compatible and likeminded, and focus on it. It takes so much effort to find a someone you like and want to marry – don’t let money be the stopping point. If you have something solid, figure out the money, bring someone else into the conversation, perhaps a money coach. Finding a great relationship is difficult, so don’t let money get in the way. May you broach the topic of money sensibly and sensitively with the right person at the right time, and walk down to the chuppah with a sense of calm and connection. Statement cards. Book Me. . The following guest post is from Martin of Studenomics, who just launched Next Round’s On Me, the ultimate guide to financial freedom in your 20s without missing a party. My friend Dylan was courting a lady. The relationship was fairly new. On this particular afternoon, he went to meet her for a quick coffee/lunch because he had some spare time. She had other plans. She mentioned that she was hungry. He offered to take her for some fast food (or something quick). She decided that she wanted to eat at a pretty expensive restaurant. Since he has money, he didn’t mind paying for this surprisingly costly lunch date. Dylan was just surprised and disappointed. He knew that she was taking advantage of the situation. She knew that he was well-off financially so she took his offer for coffee and turned it into a steak lunch. Historically, the gentleman has been responsible for covering the expenses. However, after a few dates, guys get tired of always paying. I personally appreciate it when the lady at least offers to pay or pitch in at some point. You can’t pay for everything, forever as the guy. It’s actually a deal breaker for me. If the female doesn’t offer to at least buy a round of drinks by the fifth date, then you might want to watch out, because she clearly is expecting you to pay for everything in the long run. Money, budgeting, debt, credit score, and so on. These are all sensitive topics when it comes to first date conversations. This is why I had to write about today. These are not topics you’re going to want to mention in your Tinder profile. What do men really think of ? At the beginning, we usually don’t care. Actually, I don’t care at all on the first date. I doubt that any of my buddies care about your credit score either. We just want to get laid. We just want to have fun. Most of us don’t have six months into the future and a college fund for the kids. In the long run, money becomes everything. It also comes down to what kind of guy you are. Some guys don’t mind spending their paychecks on dating. Others are more frugal. I like to pay for dates, but I’m not a sponsor who’s looking to buy gifts and be on the hook for every single expense. My financial goals come first. How important is money when it comes to dating? When you get serious, money becomes everything. Money determines what you do for fun, what you eat, where you live, and how you live. Money is the deciding factor in every decision that you make as a couple. Every couple would love to spend their holidays in Aruba. This isn’t The Notebook. If you’re broke and frugal, your girlfriend with expensive taste might not find it so charming. Before you get serious you need to have the money talk. It’s not comfortable and budgets aren’t the best type of dirty talk, but you need to get this over with. You need to know where both partners stand. Just please don’t discuss money when aroused. I won’t sugarcoat it. I’m a huge fan of investing in myself, but I’m also frugal when it comes to courting. I don’t mind a weekend getaway, a hotel room for the night, or a fancy dinner once in a while. I just don’t want to do these things frequently. I would much rather train or invest money into my business. I don’t want to spend every single penny on dates and spoiling my girlfriend. I don’t see the point in that. This gets me in trouble with every relationship. It’s YOUR journey. You have to remember that it’s your journey and your journey alone. Friends will come and go. Romantic partners will enter, stick around, and then turn into complete strangers. That’s okay. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you. You can’t compromise who you are. You can’t bend. You can’t throw all of your goals out the window because your current partner has different views. For example, I have a friend who disappears whenever he finds a new girlfriend. He jumps all in. He stops working out, doesn’t respond to his buddies, and spends all of his money on her. Then when it ends, he’s confused and pissed off. I’m here to remind you that it’s okay to be a little selfish sometimes. You have to do what’s best for you. Money is very important when it comes to your relationships. Please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You can ignore it at first, but the topic of money will always creep up into conversation. Statement cards. Book Me. Dating and Money: How to Talk About Money In Your Relationship. But that doesn’t mean you should avoid talking about money in your relationship until you’re using that credit score to get approved for a lease together. Much like you don’t need to come out and tell your date every detail of the 3 kids, 2 dogs and pet fish you’d like to have someday the first time you meet up for drinks… you don’t need to reveal the details of your long-term investment strategy (or lack thereof) during those early dating days to start assessing your compatibility. Whether it’s your potential partner’s outlook on marriage or money, the first few dates are all about feeling out their value system – getting a grasp on where they stand on the things that matter to and have the potential to affect you – money included. You don’t have to come right out and ask a bunch of deeply personal financial questions, but you should be on the lookout for cues and comments that might offer insights into your potential partners’ relationship with money, and think about how those views and behavior may or may not fit with your own. For a comprehensive list of top money conversations to have in those early dating days (and beyond) check out my free cheat sheet of the 25 money talks money talks every couple needs to have! [clickToTweet tweet=”Much like you might look for a sense of humor or kindness or similar interests, (and be on the lookout for any red flags) before agreeing to a second or third date, you can do the same with money matters.” quote=”Much like you might look for a sense of humor or kindness or similar interests (and be on the lookout for any red flags) before agreeing to a second or third date, you can do the same with money matters.”] ‘But Talking About Money Is So Awkward….’ [clickToTweet tweet=” According to a 2016 survey, less than half of Americans are comfortable talking about money with their partner.” quote=” According to a 2016 survey, less than half of Americans are comfortable talking about money with their partner.”] But is it really any more awkward than getting naked in front of each other for the first time? Or initiating the dreaded, ‘Where is this going?’ talk?

How to START Talking About Money In Your Relationship. Big-picture talks about goals and dreams are the perfect way to initiate a meaningful financial dialogue. You can naturally shift these conversations from aspirational dream-discussions to tactical how-to talks. For example, a conversation about a future dream home while watching an episode of Fixer Upper on HGTV can shift into a practical dialogue about projected timelines and savings for a down payment. You may find it’s easier to start the conversation by sharing your own dreams and financial goals than it is to come right out and ask your partner about theirs. Keep in mind these initial money talks don’t have to take the form of a formal sit down, they can just be a part of your every day life discussions. Being upfront about your financial outlook and sharing your big picture money goals can help make the topic less taboo when it comes time to talk about your finances more directly. How to Talk Money In Your Relationship When Things Start Getting Serious. ‘Commitment’ means different things to different people. For some, that point may come after a month of dating. For others it might be 6 months in. And for some, it might be when you move in together. At its heart though, the commitment point is the moment you decide you want to have a serious future with your partner and they feel the same way. Not only will disclosing your financials help the two of you figure out what kinds of things you can afford to do together – vacations you can take, apartments you can afford to live in, etc. – it can also help you align your financial values and expectations for the future. But the reality is, when you enter into a long-term commitment with someone, you’re also tying that person into your financial life, even if just in part – so it’s important to put it all out on the table. This is especially true if you decide to move in together or make a major purchase together, as banks and lenders may pull financial information from both of you. I recommend going through the process full financial disclosure at the earliest point of commitment so that when you do decide to take these next level steps together, you’ve already had an opportunity to work through any financial disparities and potential issues as a team. Are There Any Money Deal Breakers?

It’s important to remember that the process of full financial disclosure isn’t about judging or criticizing your partner, it’s about figuring out ways you can help each other and your relationship grow. If your partner fears judgment or shame around their money habits, you can help them open up by sharing your own financial fears and mistakes. If you have vastly different incomes, how will you share money and expenses as your relationship progresses (even if you’re not sharing costs right now)?

If your partner has no retirement savings, is it because they had to cash it out to fund a serious emergency or because they haven’t made saving for retirement a priority yet?

If your partner has significant debt, what caused them to go into debt, what are they doing to pay it off and what are their feelings about it? The process of full financial disclosure can be a valuable way to make sure your values, priorities and expectations align, especially as you move forward in your relationship. And if they don’t align, this is an opportunity to start the process of getting on the same page. While you can and should look out for patterns of potential harmful financial behavior – for example, consistent use of cash advances or payday loans or calls from collection agencies – what ultimately matters is your partner’s commitment to improving their financial future and how they’ll do it in partnership with you. The only true deal breakers are refusals to share financial information, a complete lack of willingness to change bad financial habits, shaming or blaming around money decisions, and flat out dismissiveness of requests to talk money. While it may be uncomfortable and vulnerable when you start talking money in your relationship, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. By sharing your numbers, you’re building a foundation upon which you can create hypotheticals about how you would handle money if you were to take things to the next level – whether it’s moving in, getting married, buying a house or having children together. For a full list of money conversations you should be having at every stage of your relationship, check out my free cheat sheet of the 25 money talks money talks every couple needs to have!

Money, Dating and Women. Black Friday has just passed us by, Cyber-Monday is upon us and the holiday shopping season kicked it into high gear as we celebrate a season of togetherness, friends and family through the time-honored tradition of conspicuous consumer spending. It’s a little hard not to think about money when damn near every commercial on TV and email in my inbox is encouraging me to BUY!

BUY!

We live in a culture that’s obsessed with money: who has it, who doesn’t and what having it says about you. We have a split personality when it comes to personal wealth. On the one hand, we still have the remains of the Calvanist idea that the rich are rich because they’re inherently better. On the other hand, we are told over and over again via pop culture that only the poor have The Life Force; the less fortunate are more connected to the things that “really matter” or are more creative or are otherwise just better people because money inherently corrupts. Also that there’s no force on earth more powerful than a conspicuously multi-ethnic gang of dancers from the wrong side of the tracks. Money is so tied up with our self-image, our concept of status and the idea of net-worth as self-worth, that we tend to see it as an end-all, be-all of our lives and put more emphasis on it than it’s actually worth. I actually get a lot of questions about money – usually from guys who have relatively little and are concerned about what being broke will do to their dating life. Occasionally I get questions from people who have bought into the idea that money is a pre-requisite for dating, or that women will only date guys of a certain income or status level. I Ain’t Saying She’s A Gold Digger… The idea that you need money to get women is a common one. Whenever men’s rights advocates gather, one of the most common subjects to come up is the idea that all women are hypergamous; that all women are looking for men of superior social and financial status. The idea of women-as-status-seeker is built into the DNA of the Pick-Up Artist movement – the status games and “demonstrations of higher value” were born from the idea that all women areonly looking for someone is of higher social status than she is. Money translates nicely to status, so someone with a high-profile job, a flashy car or other external indicators of wealth is someone who has greater access to women than the average peon. The problem with this belief – other than the fact that it’s rather wildly misogynistic – is that it’s also not true. It’s what’s known as a compositional fallacy: some women are only interested in men who have lots of money, ergo all women must only be interested in men with lots of money. It’s an appealing belief though. On the one hand, it instantly excuses any failure a man might have with a woman – after all, she’s just a gold-digging, hypergamous bitch who’s just looking for her next meal-ticket. At the same time, it’s aspirational: the Horatio Alger idea of the American Dream by way of Larry Flynt and Axel Braun: “If I work hard (or get lucky) enough I’ll be rich and then I’ll have all the pussy I want.” Reach a certain income level and suddenly velvet ropes part, legs open and you’re swimming in the sex equivalent of Scrooge McDuck’s money bin. The idea that women are status-seekers ties into the commodity model of sex: men want sex, women control access to sex and therefore men must negotiate with women to reach a price sufficient to allow the men into the sex vault. Evolutionary psychology is often used to validate this theory1: women want the best providers for their children, therefore they will instinctively be attracted to only the richest or highest-status males available, “settling” for less until a better option presents itself. It’s bullshit, but why let little facts like that most women marry sideways – staying within their social and economic class – rather than up and that hypergamy is on the decline get in the way of blaming women for someone else’s failures. “Gaming With The Cheat Codes On” While nobody disagrees that material wealth can be an advantage, that’s really all it is. It creates opportunities; you have a wider selection of places to live, less stress over bills, more venues and activities for dates. You’re less stressed when you’re not worrying that movie tickets for two people can cost upwards of $30 before you factor in any other date-related expenses. You can afford better clothes, travel more often, spend more time outside of work. There’s no question that throwing money around can attract women. Back when I was spending time on the club scene, there were plenty of times that my friends and I would post up in the VIP section of the club and pool our money for bottle service; we referred to it as “gaming with the cheat codes on” because of all the way women would immediately flock to our table, competing for our attention. Every time we would do this, we looked like kings and players and we would be knee-deep in women all night. While my friends and I may have enjoyed the attention we were getting in the VIP at the club, when the night was over, the women would almost always drift away. We were trying to impress women by throwing money around and buying their attraction… and they were willing to be bought. But it would ultimately not go anywhere. We’d get numbers, sure, but those didn’t mean anything; they were part of the dance of the club and party scene. It was easy to get hooked on the feeling of being a player for the night and the occasional action that came with it, but it was fleeting and ultimately unsatisfying. It had it’s moments, don’t get me wrong. But they didn’t last and usually weren’t worth it… especially since most of the time, money was being used as a short cut. It’s easy to get people to pay attention to you, even be attracted when you’re throwing money around. But the people you’re are attracting are interested in the money, not you. No Scrubs. If you don’t have a car and you’re walking Oh yes son I’m talking to you If you live at home wit’ your momma Oh yes son I’m talking to you (baby) Wanna get with me with no money Oh no I don’t want no… The inverse of this situation are the guys who believe that being financially strapped means that they can’t date at all. The idea that a man who’s broke is rendered undatable is one that’s wedged very firmly into our culture. It doesn’t matter that the economy’s in the tank and we’re all scrambling to keep our jobs: if you’re broke, you’re a joke. Someone working a fast-food job, for example, is written off as someone who’s on the lowest rung of the social ladder, one step above being unemployed entirely. Stuck using public transportation? Well, you’re in the majority – especially in larger cities – but not having a car is often seen as a mark of someone who is never going to get anywhere in life. The problem is that too many people take this idea to heart and let it define them. It becomes a self-limiting belief – they’re a loser because they’re broke or working a crappy job or can’t afford $4-per-gallon gas or have to commute by bus or subway. Letting your self-worth be defined by your net worth is a great way of driving yourself into an emotional hole that it’s hard to climb out of. Women may judge you by your job… but they’re much more likely to understand that circumstances suck for everyone. You may be stuck in a shit job, but drive and ambition are actually very attractive qualities. They just have to be backed up by action. It’s one thing if you’re always talking about the job you’re going to have some day or the business you’re going to start. It’s another entirely when you can show that you’re actually working towards something better rather than just shooting your mouth off. I’ve known more people than I can count in dead-end jobs who were always talking about their way out: the novel they were going to write, the bands they were starting, their screenplay, their comic, their online business… but they never did anything about it. I’ve also known folks who surprised me by showing me their finished manuscripts, their business plans, their graphic novels or CD release parties. Even the ones who tried to chase a dream and failed had a leg up: they demonstrated that they had the motivation to change things instead of just enduring the daily drudgery. There will be people who won’t date you because of your economic status. That’s fine; they’ve just done you the favor of self-selecting out of your dating pool. These aren’t people you want to be trying to strike up a relationship with anyway. Dating While Broke. Many people who’ve written into me have been concerned with the fact that they can’t necessarily afford to take women out on fancy dates; even dinner and a movie is outside of their price-range. Never mind buying flowers and candy, they can barely afford rent or gas. “I’m stuck taking the bus everywhere. How am I supposed to take women on dates when I can’t even pick her up at her place?” one writer asked. The answer is that you need to quit looking at your situation as a disqualification but a challenge. Which is cliche as hell, but it’s still the truth: you ultimately have two choices: you either admit defeat or you adapt to the situation at hand. The problem isn’t whether or not you have money, it’s about disconnecting the idea of having a good time from “having to spend money”. It’s possible to date on the cheap without looking like a loser; you just have to learn to put your focus on connecting and interacting with your date rather than worrying about what activities you can and can’t afford. Some of the best dates I’ve been on have been free; wandering around the Greenbelt in Austin, hanging out in the park on a summer day, wandering through the City Garage Sale, street fairs, hot rod shows or art bazaars. With a little help from Yelp, Craigslist, Facebook, Google and your local alt-weekly, you can find any number of cheap or free events in your town just about every day. Dinner dates can be had for less with some pre-planning; I’m a big fan of Romantic Pizza date. You invite your date to your place for home-cooked Romantic Pizza and she needs to bring at least one ingredient. It looks impressive: people have the idea that making pizza, even from scratch, is harder than it actually is. It’s cheap, it’s interactive, it’s tactile, it encourages the two of you to get playful while you’re cooking and it’s made more romantic by the fact that you’re going to eat it by candlelight. Everything is more romantic by candlelight. Throw in a bottle of cheap (but good) wine and you have an incredibly memorable and romantic date for less than it would cost to go out and have someone else cook it for you. Don’t Play The Status Game. When I was getting learning how to get better wtih women, I was constantly bombarded by the “status” message; I needed an attractive job or a flashier car. I should pad out my verbal resume a little; after all, who can say that I’m not really a club promoter or an executive at my job? Ignoring the fact that it’s easier to call people on their bullshit now in this always-connected world, I would consistently have better results just hanging around, chatting with women who knew me as a comic artist and occasional photographer who drove a Prius and preferred to get a burger and beer to a “rock and roll photographer” at a club with a drastically overpriced bottle of Absolut. It was more authentically me; I wasn’t putting on a show or trying to impress them with flash and bullshit. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying there aren’t status-seekers; I’ve run into plenty of those… even ones where the status they’re trying to cozy up to is “Local movie blogger”. I’m not saying that there aren’t gold-diggers. Of course there are. That’s part of why we have prenups. I am saying that the vast majority of women out there aren’t looking for a prince or someone to shower them with money and treat them to a lifestyle to which they intend to become accustomed; they’re looking for someone who gets them, who they can connect with. The Empowered Dollar. Comics to help you kick ass in money and life. Does money matter when dating? 9 experts weigh in and the Debt Monster eats my purse. I make a living helping people figure out their finances. I eat, breathe, sleep money. So when it comes to bringing personal finance up in normal conversation, I’m totally cool with talking about things like how I spent too much money at REI this weekend and felt totally guilty about it or how the hell to roll over a 401k from your last job. But when it comes to dating, the lines between a socially acceptable conversation about money and bringing up taboo financial topics begin to blur… The question of “so what do you do?” eventually turns into a discussion about my job, which snowballs into a conversation about debt or bad financial habits – something you might not talk about on a first date if the girl in front of you didn’t draw cartoons about money. While I love a good, honest conversation about finances, I feel like I’m in an interesting spot of getting to know someone’s money habits sooner rather than later. And that poses an interesting question: does money matter when dating, especially early on?

Or is it something to talk about later when things start to get serious? Maybe it’s because I talk about money all day, but I haven’t really found the sweet spot for when it’s okay to start talking about money or when it’s appropriate to throw money management into the equation of “desirable dating qualities.” Does Money Matter When Dating?

Here’s what you had to say: Todd from Financial Mentor : “As anyone who is married will tell you, money is an important issue in every relationship. Therefore it is not a question of appropriateness, but rather appropriate timing. It isn’t an appropriate discussion for the early stages as you get to know each other, but when you are moving beyond merely dating then it is completely appropriate.” Eric from Narrow Bridge Finances : “It’s important to have a money talk early on to see how you both stand on paying for dates and activities together. Bad money communication could lead to a quick breakup and end a relationship that had great potential.” Doug from The Military Guide: “ If income or debt mattered during dating then my spouse would have dropped me like a hot rock. Luckily by the time those subjects came up, she knew me well enough to see my potential. If you see cheapness skills, are they impressive or just… cheap?

Will they still be as impressive five or 10 or 20 years from now?

Because I doubt that marriage changes our habits very much. Especially guy habits.” Tracie from Penny Pinchin’ Mom : “I think there is a point when you have to discuss it. Not on the first few dates, but as you get to know one another and it develops. I think your past history isn’t always indicative of how you are now (I declared bankruptcy just as I started dating my husband). We had a lot of discussions about it and he knew how I felt about money and finances – which put us both on the same page. For us, money ranked up there with religion and other issues. It is extremely important. (It is a huge cause of divorce, so you must know this about one another before you can really become too serious).” Bob on The Empowered Dollar fan page : “Dating someone who is bad with money is fine and all. But don’t marry someone until you’ve balanced a checkbook with them a few times. (And, if the balancing doesn’t go well, remember that money management is a learned skill…)” Christopher on The Empowered Dollar fan page : “Money definitely matters. Not so much on how much you have, but on how you handle it.” Kylie Ofiu : “Because everyone knows what I do, finances are discussed straight away (they bring it up). My partner and I actually laid everything out on the first date due to extenuating circumstances – kids, religion, relationship potential, finances, views on roles in relationships etc. This time when I met my partner we were kind of forced into a position where we either revealed all and jump in or walk away. We chose to jump in, best decision ever.” Shannyn from Frugal Beautiful : “I always talked about money and I think a few guys thought I was a gold digger – though, I think gold diggers talk more about fancy purses and clothes than 401ks and saving part of your paycheck, or how I would ask about views on debt.” Martin Dasko from Studenomics : “Doesn’t matter what anyone says, it’s all about chemistry and getting laid! When it’s time to get serious, then everything changes because money determines everything. For the first few dates, why even bother talking about money? Have fun and go with the flow.” Seems like everyone agrees that it’s not cool to talk debt and taxes on date number one. Still, the responses range from “it doesn’t matter at all on the first date” to “lay your cards out on the table right away.” In the meantime, I’ll just show my cartoons whenever money comes up on a date – so hopefully I’ll at least get at a little chuckle before we dive into the heavy financial talks 🙂 jinksjones. not your mother's relationship blog… Tag Archives: . Happy Valentine’s Day… just don’t blow it. Dear Nephews, It’s Valentine’s Day! The only day of the year (outside of Christmas) where everyone is trying to show their affection by buying love with chocolate and high-priced flowers and dinners. Okay, some of us. Now to be a spoiled sport about the whole holiday (which I do enjoy for the most part) but like with most things, some people just do too damn much. For those of you in a “just causally dating someone”, in a serious ‘relationship’, partnered up or married, this day can set the tone for the rest of this year, along with Christmas and your partner’s birthday so you really can’t afford to fuck this up. However, someone will neglect to do or ‘say’ the right thing and things will get all stupid for a while. I can’t help you with saying or doing stupid things (for the most part) but I can give you some guidance for an overall picture of what you should have been doing before you get to this point. 1. If you are ‘dating’ more than 1 person, (and of course they don’t know it) until you are ballin like that, you are not doing yourself any favors by treating them all the same. If they were all the same, you would just be dating ONE of them, SERIOUSLY. Each of them is giving you something specific, so you might do well to hone in on that. Have a monetary amount you will spend on each one and don’t go over it. If you have one you like more than the rest, she’ll get a higher amount, but not your damn paycheck. Don’t be stupid. I’m not going to let you borrow rent money or car note money because you trying to impress someone you ‘like’. 2. If you are ‘dating’ more than 1 person, you want to schedule out Valentine’s Day. If the day falls on a weekend, (like today) don’t give up your WHOLE weekend for some ‘romantic trip’ to impress the one you like the MOST. (Again, you have a budget) and don’t let her offer to take you away either. You will only cause problems in the long run when she figures out or realizes that she/he was 1 of 5 ‘friends’ you have. Give every person you are dating ‘except’ #1 a time limit of no more than 1 to 1 ½ hours of your time on Valentine’s Day. Give the one you like the most 2 -3 hours. Don’t create standards you won’t be able to keep up. There’s no reason for anyone to be up in anyone’s face all damn day, in love or not. Love doesn’t pay the bills. If you are seeing anyone who wants to know your whereabouts of every second of every day, DUMP THEM. They have issues and I don’t remember anyone one of you signing up for the fire department or rescue a chick service. 3. If you are dating someone exclusively, then an overnight trip is fine BUT remember it’s not about how much money you spend but the quality of time you spend with them. Don’t plan a trip to Paris when you can’t pay your bills. Don’t play a cruise when you’re looking at your car being repossessed. There are TONS of things you can do that are meaningful and special without spending up the national debt. If the person you are with complains about how much you are NOT spending, you might want to reconsider the character of the person you are dating. Understand that you are under NO obligation to spend ONE red penny on Valentine’s Day for ANYONE. If you chose to celebrate, that’s wonderful. If not, don’t. It’s absolutely totally your choice, but whatever you do, DO NOT be so tacky as to send a text of flowers and candy to a woman. Whether you are “Just” friends or not. It’s RUDE as hell. What the hell is she going to do with that? Don’t even pretend with the. “I don’t think you are worth having red roses or candy sent to your house or job because YOU are not important enough for me to spend the $35 for a bunch of red roses and a $12.00 box of chocolates. But I will send you a TEXT PICTURE of these things in the hopes that you don’t think I’m that cheap and that I at least thought about you while I bought someone ELSE flowers, candy, a card and took HER out to dinner. But hey, when YOU get drunk, horny or lonely, I’m hoping I’m the first person you text.” So again, try NOT to be a douche this day. I will have to talk about you later. At the next family gathering, in front of everyone AND the girl you DIDN’T send the text picture of flowers to. Let’s see how that works out for you. Cause you know I will.

money and dating