dating other people

If The Person You’re Dating Is Seeing Other People, But You’re Not, Here’s What To Do. I've never been able to continuously date multiple people at the same time. re, I've gone on a string of first dates in the same week, but never has anything expanded from the initial meeting to dating many people at once. It's not that I have anything against it personally — I just like my alone time and only want to give so much time to dating, let alone to several people. So what do you do if the person you're dating is seeing other people while you're very much not?

It's less tricky than you think, but you will want to consider how you approach this, for sure. It's probably something awkward to think about once you've been dating someone for some time — say several weeks into seeing one another. You could very well be pretty unaffected by them , but it may eat at you the more it goes on (and the more attached you get). That's why I suggest you address it — but of course, it may be your own personal decision to not see other people, and to not be bothered by the fact that the person you're seeing is still dating. Everyone is different. But if it were me?

I'd consider the following. Evaluate if you're comfortable being in a more casual situation. If the one person you're seeing is also seeing other people, it could be that they don't want to be in a relationship. Unfortunately, that instance is probably out of your control, even if you really like the person. Now's the time to think about what you're comfortable with while dating, and whether or not the prospect of that person seeing other people makes you uncomfortable or jealous. Try seeing other people to see if it's something you enjoy. Take a lesson from the person you're dating and try seeing other people as well. You could very much like seeing multiple people, and, you never know — it could turn out to solidify your feelings for that one person, or you could end up liking someone else a lot more and pursuing them. You won't know unless you try, and you could end up finding a better situation for yourself by putting yourself out there. Continue dating them as is. Just because they're dating multiple people, it doesn't mean you have to as well. You could very well just enjoy that person's company, and they may decide they want to be exclusive with you down the line. But maybe you're also not looking for anything that serious and like the arrangement the way it is. If you're secure with the relationship being open on their end and exclusive on yours, then what works for you, works. No judgment here. Have a conversation about what you want. It could be that the person you're dating doesn't know you've kind of decided to make things "exclusive" on your end. If you tell them this piece of information, it may show them that you're more serious about a relationship and make them re-evaluate how they feel for you. They could've assumed you were seeing other people, and continued doing so as well to "even" out the situation. Telling the person you're seeing that you're not seeing anyone else definitely takes some courage, so harness up what you've got for that conversation. It proves you probably actually like them and aren't in this just for sh ts and giggles. They may fess up to only because they thought you were, and your confession may be the turning point in your relationship. Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV. 10 Do’s And Don’t’s Of Dating Multiple People. Okay, so I jut turned 26 years old. It’s not “old-old” in the scheme of the human experience/geologic time, but it feels kinda old to me right now. I’ve had a few serious relationships, and some of them ended because of my own shortcomings, some ended because of his shortcomings, and some ended because I/him/we were so desperate to BE in a relationship that we took what we could get, regardless of actual compatibility. Nonetheless, after the last one, I realized that I might be in a stage of my life where I honestly can’t rely on my own judgment when it comes to men. It’s pathetic, but at least I can admit it. So, I’m doing this new thing where I just openly date a heap of dudes, and am going to remain ACTIVELY AND WILLFULLY SINGLE for at least a year. I’ve been doing it for about 6 months. Here’s what I’ve learned so far: DO: Date multiple people. If you’re doing the single thing, go on with your bad self and GET SOME. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeing multiple people at the same time. DON’T: Feel guilty. If you’re upfront and not being shady or secretive about your actions, there is no reason to feel guilty. There’s a major difference between confessing your love for someone and going out to dinner. DO: Attempt to get to know said people, rather than just sleeping with them. Dating multiples is one thing, fucking multiples is another. Personally, I’ve got love for both sides, but if you’re a relatively young person who’s just “trying to find yourself (gag), I highly recommend making a sincere attempt at getting to know those you choose go out with. After all, isn’t part of finding yourself figuring out what kind of people you’re really into?

DON’T: Develop feelings. I need to clarify here. Having feelings isn’t a bad thing. Call me crazy, but I encourage it. I suppose what I mean is that if you’ve already established that you’re “keeping it casual, man,” then…KEEP IT CASUAL. Don’t say you feel nothing when you actually feel everything. This point is one I’m still working on myself, so don’t feel bad if you can’t be cool as a cucumber 24/7. DO: Use condoms, for Gods’ sake!! I don’t know about you, but I am not in college anymore and have thus graduated (so to speak) from the not-very-nice-but-usually-free-or-cheap student health services to the “hey-cousin-do-you-have-any-extra-Monistat?!” version of sexual health. No need to be tossing blame left and right when a particularly nasty strain of Chlamydia comes around. Wrap it up, and you can remain blame-free (and know who to cut out of your little black book for fucking around). Note: If you’re a female, now would be a great time to start keeping a menstrual calendar. I know, I know — it sounded like a bunch of barefoot hippy nonsense to me too, until I, a clockwork menstruator, was 10 days late last month after only having sexy relations with one man who, by the by, has HAD A VASECTOMY. Did I think I was going through early menopause/had cervical cancer/was possibly carrying the next Baby Jesus? Yes, yes, and yes. Did I have a hysterical breakdown and call said-vasectomied man crying and asking about the statistics of vasectomy failure?

YES. Was I humiliated? Did I set a calendar alarm for the projected arrival date of my next period EVERY MONTH FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. YES YES YES, GOD, YES. How To React When You Find Out They’re Also . We’ve all been there right? Ya know… that moment when you’re dating someone new that you’re actually digging and then by accident… or even on purpose (S/O to the upfront and honest people) it’s revealed to you that you’re not the only person they’re sharing their time with. Bummer!

Right?

I mean what ever happened to the days when 2 people dated each other… The End? No outside influences. No backup plans. No team of prospects. Just 1 guy & 1 girl (or whatever pairing of choice) dating and enjoying each other? But in all honesty was that ever even the “reality” in dating culture?

Did our grandparents have a boo (or 2) on the side in the beginning stages of their courtship back in the day as well?

Hey, it is possible!

I once read an article that discussed the necessity of dating more than one person at a time. Initially I was against the whole idea but when I weighed the benefits AND after a couple of dating faux pas of my own, it became very clear why it made so much sense. I even wrote a post about it here. Dating more than one person is not about having a backup plan but it SHOULD be about being able to effectively identify what type of partner suits you best. It also helps in keeping a healthy dating perspective and avoiding the plague of what we call investing too much of yourself in one person. Or better yet, the wrong person. 1. How you found out 2. Who they’re also dating 3. How long you have been dating them 4. How long they’ve been dating the other person. Factor 1… So fellas lets say that you’re dating this woman whom you believe is like the Gina to your Martin. (Gotta love those Martin episodes!) Anywho… she’s dope. ccessful, beautiful, funny, intelligent and classy. And most importantly she likes you. She laughs at your jokes, she always respond to your texts and she’s consistently delighted to take you up on any opportunity to hang out together. But one day in conversation she tells you that she’s also seeing another guy. Nothing sleazy it’s just her exercising her single woman rights to entertain other men. You can’t really be upset at the woman for her honesty and disclosure right? Now on the other hand lets say that she never gives you any inclination that she dates other men and you happen to run into her on a date. Or you find out through the grapevine that she’s dating another guy. Then, in my opinion you may have some leverage in being upset with her. The WAY in which you find out does matter!

I must mention tho that it is important to ask these questions when you start seeing someone on a consistent basis. Because lets be honest just because bringing it up and informing you that she dates other guys is something she could or should do doesn’t mean that it’s something that she HAS to do. If the other men or women that your “boo” is dating in addition to you happens to be a relative, friend, enemy or someone who is on your “Oh HELL NO!” list then Houston we have a problem. If you find out that the guy or girl you’re dating is also dating your coworker or maybe even a friend of a friend who you sometimes have brunch with on Sundays then… yeah that’s not going to work. Should you be upset?

Well yes… only if everyone else except you (meaning him and her) knew about these acquaintances and still chose to proceed. Yeah… not cool. At all. Now let’s change the scenario and say that the person your new boo is also dating is a stranger to you but happens to be someone they’ve been dating for a very long time. Like “they’re in a relationship” long time. Or worse… a “he’s actually married” long time. Then hell yes you should be angry. AND depending on how much drama he has now inserted you into you might want to pay some body to kick his a on your behalf. I’m just saying. That’s never okay and people like that need physical harm done to them. lol I despise deceptive people!

Now this one is kinda heavy. You really have to determine if how long you’ve been dating the person gives you the adequate justication to be upset. Only dating for 3 months?

Then maybe you’re overreacting and need to in fact go find you a couple of other people to date as well so that your expectations aren’t so high and placed unwarranted on this person that you’ve kinda just met. But now if you’ve been seeing this person for about 6 months or more then you probably should be concerned that they still have a need to date other people. Not a concern as if you aren’t good enough but moreso concerned at your decision to still date them despite of. (Been there, done that, got a t-shirt!) BUT… as a disclaimer I have to say that I’m speaking in general so if either of these scenarios work for you then by all means… Do You! If they’ve been dating this other person(s) for an extended amount of time and they are now dating you then maybe you’re being played and you have unknowingly (or knowingly) found yourself in a sideline situation. And as we all know both males and females can be sideline joints these days. Nobody is safe lol. You have to be very observant when it comes to stuff like this, especially in this dating culture… and you MUST ask questions. And not just those vague yes or no questions either. To protect yourself you have to be very specific when you’re trying to evaluate what kind of situation you’re placing yourself in. Never be too scared or reserved to seek clarity about things that don’t sound right to you and especially about things that can affect you in any way. There’s nothing wrong with asking someone “So just to be clear, are you at the moment?

“. And even then you still have to be careful with your wording because that “at the moment” part can give a liar the perfect loophole they need. I once met a very handsome guy who happened to have a generally unique name. So being that I love to google guys I knew I would be able to find info on him because of the unique spelling of his name. Lo and behold I found his Facebook page and only 3 days prior to his attempt to pursue me his girlfriend/babymama had tagged him in pictures of the two of them kissing and even dressed alike lol. He had also shared one of the photos on his page with the caption of “My wifey… I’m in this forever” or some other corny ish like that. So I hit him up like… so just for clarification you are single right? I wanted to see if he at least had enough “integrity” to tell the truth. He said yes. I said so that means no girlfriend, boo, lady, wife, fiancé or babymama you’re trying to work things out with? He said… yes. So I said so you’re completely single?

(That’s 3 whole chances to be honest) When I asked what does that mean he said that him and his babymama had tried to work it out but she moved on and got married so now he’s single. I never spoke to him again. Unless she got married 2 days before that conversation he was lying. He never knew I found his page cuz I never mentioned it. No time for fake ones. But thank God that I probed further because “yes I’m single” could’ve been enough and then I would’ve been in some sick, chaotic drama triangle with him and his child’s mother. Dodged a bullet on that one. People have a right to date multiple people at a time as long as they are honest and forthcoming with the truth when the time calls for it. AND as long as they are in non committed interactions. If I’m dating a guy early on and he tells me that he’s dating other women I won’t be offended. Well… maybe I will feel some type of way about it lol but I will get over it. I just hope he understands that it is quite possible that I’m already dating other guys as well. And if he asks and I am, I’ll tell him. As long as we’re all dating responsibly, respectfully and honestly there’s no reason or justification for anger. Just get your own dating weight up… or settle for being the person with one basket full of eggs waiting to be heartbroken. 10 Do’s And Don’t’s Of Dating Multiple People. Okay, so I jut turned 26 years old. It’s not “old-old” in the scheme of the human experience/geologic time, but it feels kinda old to me right now. I’ve had a few serious relationships, and some of them ended because of my own shortcomings, some ended because of his shortcomings, and some ended because I/him/we were so desperate to BE in a relationship that we took what we could get, regardless of actual compatibility. Nonetheless, after the last one, I realized that I might be in a stage of my life where I honestly can’t rely on my own judgment when it comes to men. It’s pathetic, but at least I can admit it. So, I’m doing this new thing where I just openly date a heap of dudes, and am going to remain ACTIVELY AND WILLFULLY SINGLE for at least a year. I’ve been doing it for about 6 months. Here’s what I’ve learned so far: DO: Date multiple people. If you’re doing the single thing, go on with your bad self and GET SOME. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with seeing multiple people at the same time. DON’T: Feel guilty. If you’re upfront and not being shady or secretive about your actions, there is no reason to feel guilty. There’s a major difference between confessing your love for someone and going out to dinner. DO: Attempt to get to know said people, rather than just sleeping with them. Dating multiples is one thing, fucking multiples is another. Personally, I’ve got love for both sides, but if you’re a relatively young person who’s just “trying to find yourself (gag), I highly recommend making a sincere attempt at getting to know those you choose go out with. After all, isn’t part of finding yourself figuring out what kind of people you’re really into? Did I set a calendar alarm for the projected arrival date of my next period EVERY MONTH FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. YES YES YES, GOD, YES. 7 Signs Your Partner Wants To Be . At first, it might not be obvious that your partner wants to start seeing other people. But over time, you might notice a clue or two. If they're constantly checking out cute strangers, for example, or seem to be hinting at expanding their horizons, you'll definitely start to wonder what's up. Of course, "the only foolproof way to know for sure if your partner wants to date other people is if you ask them and they confirm," Pella Weisman, a dating coach, tells Bustle. From there, if you're both into the idea of opening up your relationship, Weisman says, "you can then have a conversation about how this might look and what agreements you would want to have in place." Seeing other people is certainly an option, but it's best to establish ground rules, first, so that you can agree on what's OK and what isn't. That said, an open relationship isn't something you have to be into or even something you have to try. You're in no way obligated to stay with a partner while they try to "find themselves or start seeing other people. You have every right to figure out what works best for you, and at the end that might mean parting ways. Your Partner's Eyes Are Wandering More Often. It's human nature to notice other people. If you and your partner are sitting in a cafe, they might quickly glance at someone walking by — and hey, you'll probably do the same. Checking people out doesn't automatically mean your partner wants to open up your relationship. It may, however, be something worth talking about if your partner checks other people out, and then seems to be looking for more. For instance, "when your partner is looking at other people more than he or she normally does, and there’s that extra beat where you see he or she is waiting for eye contact with that other person," April Masini, a relationship expert, tells Bustle. That's a sign they aren't just glancing around the room, or mindlessly checking someone out, but actually trying to form a connection. They Ask If You Find Someone Attractive. From there, your partner might test the waters by asking your opinion of strangers strolling by, Chris Seiter, a relationship consultant, tells Bustle. "They could start asking you if you found someone attractive, or would you be interested in someone," he says, which is an attempt to open a conversation about potential possibilities. If you aren't out and about, your partner might gauge your interest by asking if you have any crushes, Weisman says. They might also ask about your fantasies, which celebrities you find attractive, and so on. Nine times out of ten, this is just a light-hearted convo many couples choose to have, sometimes as a way of kicking off new things in the bedroom. But it could also be a hint they're looking for something more. Your partner may ask how you feel about other people, Weisman says, "because that would make it easier for them to bring up the topic." Your Partner Is Flirting (A Lot) It can be tough to tell when casual flirting crosses into the realm of wanting an open relationship. Because sometimes, people are perfectly happy having one partner, but also like to flirt and have fun conversations. They don't want to date anyone else, or even hook up; they just like attention, and can't help being chatty and sweet. If this describes your partner, their flirting will likely feel "harmless," aka not something you need to sit down and discuss as a couple. You should talk about it, though, if your partner begins flirting with more vigor, or if they're doing it right in front of you, Seiter says. If they've stopped making an attempt to hide or tone down their flirting, don't hesitate to talk about it. They Suddenly Care More About Their Appearance. It's perfectly fine to decide, once and for all, that you're going to wear something other than sweatpants, take good care of your health, or make the effort to comb your hair. So just because your partner starts "upping their game," it doesn't mean they want to date other people. It could be a different story, though, if they spruce themselves up to go out more often — especially if you aren't invited. "When someone is looking to meet other people they start making an effort in themselves again," Seiter says. "So if you find that your partner is making themselves look good every time they go out then maybe they are trying to impress people." Your Partner Is Going Out More Without You. Keep in mind dressing up and going out isn't a surefire sign your partner wants to date other people. It's great to have your own life in a relationship, which might mean having separate friend groups, personal hobbies, or things you like to do solo — such as spending a weekend alone. But your partner might be interested in if their solo activities include going out to bars or seeing friends, and never asking you to tag along. As Masini explains, this is often a way for a person to "test the waters" without their partner there. Yours might be interesting in experiencing how it feels to go out alone, flirt a bit, and see if other folks are interested in them. They Ask For Space To "Figure Themselves Out" Unfortunately, a partner who wants to start might end up doing so without asking first, Trisha Andrews, MS, MFT, an individual and family therapist practicing at the Amanda Atkins Counseling Group, tells Bustle. They might not hold up their end of your relational agreement, she says, whether it's by having an emotional affair, or even a physical affair. Cheating is a big red flag something's amiss in your relationship; that there's something that needs to be figured out ASAP. But there are subtler signs under this same umbrella, such as talking about wanting to "find themselves," Andrews says or asking for space to figure out what they truly want. Opening things up isn't a guaranteed way to make your relationship work. Sometimes it's best to part ways. But if you think would benefit you both and create the type of relationship you're looking for, give it a try. And again, you'll want to start by defining what "open" means. As Andrews says, "Is it the freedom to have more than one sexual partner, which is the freedom to sleep with another partner(s), or more than one romantic partner(s), which would be considered polyamory?" Whatever you decide, communication will be key. Your Partner Starts Throwing Around The Idea Of Polyamory. Has your partner started casually mentioning a friend who is polyamorous? Are they listening to podcasts about love and open relationships? While they might not overtly ask you about — at least not right away — these are some signs they're at the very least interested. Other signs including talking about threesomes, wanting to watch movies about swinging, and otherwise looking for ways to insert the notion of polyamory into your everyday lives. As Weisman says, "This may be their way of trying to see what you think about these ideas." You could meet them halfway by saying something like, "What's that podcast you've been into lately? What's drawing you to it?" Go from there — but only if you really want to. Polyamory definitely works for a lot of couples, but if it's not for you, make sure you make that loud and clear. No matter what you suspect or what eventually comes out of noticing these signs, a conversation has to follow. "Talking together about what this might mean for the future of your relationship is an important thing to do," Weisman says. "Don't underestimate the power of direct conversation. It does wonders for any type of relationship!" He’s still . Dating has not been easy for me. I'm sure many can relate. During this pandemic, I decided to give it a shot, because. why not?

I'm currently talking to this one guy and it's been pretty great. He treats me like I matter, which is something I haven't felt in a VERY long time. We went to take a COVID test together as one of our dates. I must say it was pretty romantic. We have been talking for about a month and a half, but it feels longer. Our conversations and actions are just so natural, and our energy when we are together feels right. We both have the same feelings about important issues, which is a huge relief, and it makes him more attractive to me. One night I decided to call him. Full disclosure, I was a bit tipsy. We talked for a few and then I asked if he was seeing/talking to other people. And he said yes. I must admit I was sad to hear that, because I am not. His reasons for still being active on the apps is that he wants to make sure what we have is real and if it will be substantial for a long-term relationship. I guess he wants to keep his options open? I expressed that I would have appreciated him sharing this information sooner, just so I would know what his intentions are. Am I moving too fast? Should I be doing the same thing?

I don't want to continue , but am I investing all my time in someone and a relationship that may not go anywhere?

Will I later come to regret this? Am I putting all my eggs in one basket?

This is the first time I've heard of a COVID test first date. If anyone else has spent a date doing this, I'd love to know. I guess there can be a lot of bonding time as you wait for the swab. As for your question(s), my first thought is that it's hard to balance multiple eggs and baskets right now. Because of COVID-19, we have to be very careful about who we see, how, and where. That's my big question about your relationship with this man. When you see him, is the assumption that you're in the same bubble?

Are you seeing him outside? Is there kissing? Is he kissing others? Those are some good followup questions after that tipsy conversation. There's no reason to make massive decisions about a relationship after a month and a half, but you should know where you both stand on rules for safety. There's also the emotional part of this. That's risky too. It'll become less scary, I think, if you talk to him about boundaries. If he has a bunch of dates with someone else, you'd want to know. If he stops , you'd also like to be told. Honestly, it's just about knowing how much to give and how open to be to others. You can let him know you're also figuring out whether this has long-term potential by evaluating the relationship as it goes. It's not like you're sure this is your endgame, right?

It's still early. You can continue to communicate with this man but call it what it is – the start of something. You ask, "Am I investing all my time in someone and a relationship may not go anywhere?" How much time are we talking about here? This relationship is new. Even if you're not seeing others, you should be reaching out to friends, community. anything to remind yourself that he's not the center of your world. yet. Featured Comment. "You are putting all your eggs in one basket, though that may not be such a bad thing. Yes, there is a higher risk of heartache if this doesn't work out. But if you like this man enough to keep seeing him, then try to enjoy this time without building future expectations too high. Just make sure you both agree on boundaries for now." – Terminater5. Is He Seeing Someone Else? 16 Signs He’s Still . Dating isn’t always black or white, especially when it comes to exclusivity. Sometimes it can feel like you’re a couple, but you just can’t say for sure. So how do you know if you’re an official couple yet? Is it something that must be declared on social media?

Is it when the other person deletes their dating apps? Sometimes it feels like you’re exclusive, but until you have “the talk,” you can’t know for sure. Naturally, no one loves being the first one to bring this topic up. You don’t want to come across as clingy or desperate. If things are going really well, it’s tempting to avoid any potential rocking of the boat. Even with all that said… you want to know! Is he seeing other people or not? If you’re not ready to bring up the subject directly, check out these signs he’s seeing other people. Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

1. He refuses to take down his online dating profiles. There’s no good reason for someone to keep their dating apps once they’ve found someone they are serious about. No matter what he says, it’s 100% a way of keeping his options open. Even if he’s not actively checking them, he’s keeping them there for security. Maybe he just forgot about them. This is unlikely, but we can’t say it never happens. If you suspect this is the case with your man, you can test your theory by asking about it. Clock his reaction. Does he admit it slipped his mind and then delete them? Or does he offer you a half-baked excuse, such as, “Oh, I never check them anyway”?

Don’t accept shady answers like this. If you’re ready to take things to the next level and he’s dragging his feet, you know what to do. 2. Your relationship is pure fun. At first glance, pure fun doesn’t sound like a bad thing. And it’s not!

Having a great time in someone’s company is something to be valued. Finding someone you can easily laugh and joke with is not a simple feat. But is your time together only centered around having a good time? A successful relationship has more depth than just fun and games. There should be serious conversations, vulnerable moments, and even tense days. You can’t build a thriving relationship without some friction and learning how to communicate with each other. Notice how he responds to you bringing up more intense conversations. Does he engage with you, or does he brush it off and change the subject? If he’s only interested in the good times, he’s either not ready for a relationship or he’s still exploring his other options. 3. He says “I don’t like labels” Ah, what a classic. The guy who’s too cool for labels. He’s a free spirit who can’t be tamed. What that really means is that he’s not ready to be accountable to anyone. He’s happy with his independent lifestyle and no matter how perfect of a girlfriend you are, he’s not in the right place to commit. Or maybe he just doesn’t think you’re the right one for him, but he still likes you and enjoys you so he doesn’t want to cut things off right now. When a man is comfortable with his life the way it is, that shows through his actions. He won’t accommodate you or make space for you. If you try to press for a sign of commitment, he’ll immediately either clam up, brush it off, or make you feel stupid for even suggesting it. Don’t buy into any spiel about how he’s too evolved for traditional labels. When a man is really into you, he wants both you and the rest of the world to know it. He wouldn’t want to risk someone else swooping in and stealing you away. 4. He doesn’t prioritize you. With some guys, it’s blatantly clear where their priorities lie. With others, it might take a little sleuthing to figure out. Depending on his personality, he might be great at turning on the charm and making you feel like you’re the center of his world when he wants to. But later, when he’s got other things going on, you’re suddenly forgotten on the back burner. Does he make you feel like a priority?

Do you feel like you could call him up and he’d be there for you, no matter what? Or do you often feel like you’re just cramping his style? When a guy is into someone, he lets them know how important they are in his life. There’s no confusion about how they rank. If you’re puzzling over this one, it’s a sign he’s not completely committed to you. 5. You’re not exclusive. If your dates with this guy are going well, it’s pretty tempting to ignore this one. Avoid making assumptions. Just because you have a wonderful time when you’re together doesn’t mean he’s made the decision to be exclusive. When he does want to lock you down, you’ll know it. Even a shy guy will drum up the courage to discuss it with you. If he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend yet, chances are he’s dating other women. If you’re seeing someone who’s tight-lipped about this, either move on or at least keep your options open. You’re worth exactly the relationship you desire, so don’t settle just because you are nervous about his reaction. In fact, if you find yourself hesitant to bring up your needs, that’s a solid indicator that this guy might not be the one. 6. He only hangs out with you during the week. This is definitely one of those times where you have to look at how his actions compare to his words. He may be telling you all the right things, but if he only makes time for you during the week, he’s very likely leaving his weekends open for other girls. Naturally, if he works weekends, this one doesn’t apply. But other than that, you guys should be spending some time together on weekends. Don’t take “busy” for an answer. A man is never consistently “too busy” for the woman he’s into, especially during days off. When a guy is really into you, he can’t wait to spend more time with you and actively tries to make that happen … rather than making up excuses as to why he can’t or putting other things before you. 7. He makes last-minute plans. If you only ever hear from him last minute, that means he’s only ever thinking of you as a last resort. As harsh as that sounds, don’t take it personally. It’s not because you aren’t dating material. It just means this particular guy isn’t the one. Usually, when a guy likes you, he wants to see you. Seeing you is a priority. It’s on his mind and he wants to make it happen. He won’t usually risk missing out on the opportunity to see you because he waited until the last minute. If he’s always making last-minute plans, it’s either because he expects that you’ll always be available (or that you’ll ditch your other plans for him … and if this is something you do, stop!), or it’s because he’s exploring his other options and will come to you if nothing else comes together. Even if you really like a guy, make sure you don’t bend over backward to be available for him. People plan ahead for business meetings, family outings, and even workouts. There’s no reason he can’t plan ahead for you. 8. He often goes MIA. Yuck. No one wants to deal with the flakey, eternally MIA guy. If he takes hours or even days to text you back, he’s either busy with another girl or he’s not that into you. Regardless of how elaborate his excuse for not getting back to you is, it’s a clear sign he’s not serious about you. It could be that he’ll be great dating material in a couple of years. He might be in a place where he’s not even able to be accountable to himself, let alone another person. Maybe his friends complain about his inability to get back to them, too. Whatever the case, wishy-washy behavior is a sign of a guy who isn’t sure and that’s not something you want in a partner. 9. He won’t let you near his phone. Does he make an effort to hide his phone from you?

Does he tilt the screen away when you’re sitting next to him and a text arrives?

Shady behavior around phones is never a comforting sign. Consistently jumping up to take phone calls in another room is also super suspicious. He doesn’t have to give you his password and let you roam freely through his personal messages and emails, especially if your relationship is still in the beginning phases. But just observe how hesitant he is to let you into that part of his world. If he won’t let you near it, he’s up to something. 10. He just seems to be hiding something. Is there something off about him that you just can’t put your finger on?

The mystery is only attractive for so long. Once you like him, you want to know about his daily life and his inner world. If you can’t seem to get answers on these things, there’s a reason for it. You might sense that he’s just not being fully truthful. Maybe he’s vague about where he’s been that day or what his plans are for later. Trying to pin down plans might be exhausting. If he’s shifty whenever you bring up anything close to the status of your relationship, he’s indirectly telling you all you need to know. 11. He doesn’t talk about the future, at all. Every new couple does a cute little dance at the start of their relationship. You’re both too afraid of coming on strong to bring up future plans. Eventually, though, it has to come up. You might summon up the nerve to ask if he’ll be your date to a wedding in a few months. Maybe he nonchalantly asks if you always want to live in your current city or if you have any plans to move elsewhere. Regardless of how it comes up, you should get a sense that he’s considering a future with you in it. When a man is serious about you, he’ll immediately start factoring you in. If he avoids the topic like the plague, that speaks for itself. 12. He openly flirts with other women in front of you. This one requires no explanation. If he’s comfortable flirting with someone in front of you, just think about what he’s doing when you’re not around. It’s a gross feeling to be with a guy who’s openly declaring interest in someone else. If he hits on other women in front of you, hit the road!

While there is a very forward way for a guy to show this, such as flirting with a stranger at the bar next to you, there are more subtle ways this reveals itself, too. Trust your judgment. If his behavior around other women makes you uncomfortable, your feelings are valid. Maybe he’s a little too touchy with one of his female friends – you know, the one he has a “mysterious and complicated history” with. Again, go with your gut here. When a guy is into you, he’s into you and won’t risk losing you by flirting with other women so brazenly. 13. Your relationship is purely physical. When you first get physical with someone you’re interested in, it’s an incredibly intoxicating experience. Every touch, even if it’s as simple as his hand brushing your knee, makes you go crazy. All of those sensations often lead to a honeymoon period where you can’t leave each other alone. Even during that period, though, there should be other layers to the relationship. All of the fun physical factors should be accompanied by insightful conversations and new experiences together. The getting-to-know-you period is something to enjoy taking your time with, as you’ll never be learning about each other in quite the same way again. If he has little interest in this and only focuses on the physical, it’s safe to say he’s not looking for a real relationship. This also means he’s probably unconcerned with exclusivity. 14. He doesn’t seem to be all that excited by you. Since you don’t get the advantage of being a fly on the wall as he talks to his friends, you’re really the only person who can decipher this one. At first glance, it might seem tricky to tell the difference between a man who appreciates spending time with you and a man who is falling in love. If you are honest with yourself, you’ll be able to tell. Does he go the extra mile for you?

Or do you feel more like a convenient option for him at this moment?

If you’re ready for the real thing, don’t let yourself become the woman he kills time with before his real thing. Notice how much effort he puts in to being around you. Look for that special zest you see in a guy pursuing someone he’s crazy about. If it’s not there, he’s not focused entirely on you. 15. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends and doesn’t seem to want to meet yours. When you’re crushing on someone, one of the first things you’re dying to do is introduce them to your friends. How fun is that first conversation you have with your friends after they’ve met the guy? Just like with anything you’re excited about in life, you want to discuss it with the people close to you. If your guy is putting the brakes on meeting his friends or family, it’s a pretty bad sign. When a guy is into a woman, he wants to show her off and bring her into his world. If he’s hiding you away, it means he’s probably hiding other things. He should want you to meet the people he cares about. Hopefully, he wants to proudly show you off. He also may seem squirmish about the prospect of meeting your friends and family. That’s because he knows it means you’re more serious about things than he is and he doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea about the status of your relationship. 16. You feel it in your gut. We can never leave this one out. It’s crucial to making your decision. In fact, if you ignored all the other signs and just meditated on this one, you’d probably find your answer very quickly. Listen to that capable intuition inside yourself. It’s there to light the way and will illuminate those little clues your rational, logical mind tried to overlook. Maybe you already know the truth, but your brain is on the hunt for signs that you’re wrong. You’ve got that feeling in your gut that his attention is not entirely devoted to you, but you wish it was. If this is the case, step back into the driver’s seat of your life and know that you deserve to be a man’s first choice. If you’re getting anything less than that, move on to something better. It’s wildly empowering to make the decision that enough is enough. Making the right choice for yourself is addicting and enlightening. I hope this article gave you some objectivity so you can better understand where your guy truly stands. It’s possible that he isn’t seeing anyone else, he’s just doing the natural relationship pull-back. When a guy pulls away, it can be a terrifying feeling and you may feel that he’s losing interest. Do you know how to handle it when this happens?

If not, read this next:If He’s Pulling Away, Do This.


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